“We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
— Brené BrownWhen I was getting my master’s degree in education, I learned about an indigenous model of childhood development and resilience: The Circle of Courage. This model was based on traditional childrearing practices of Native American and First Nations Peoples and was articulated by Martin Broken Leg, Larry Brendtro, and Steve Van Bockern in their organization Reclaiming Youth International.
In their model, the circle of courage is found and cultivated in every child and there are events that can cause the circle of courage to break – but it can always be repaired. When the circle of courage is broken in the realm of belonging, a person still seeks to belong, but in maladaptive ways – for example joining gangs and cults.Healthy faith communities are one way we can build belonging in our children and youth AND repair the circle of courage in adults whose sense of belonging has been broken by past events.
As I reflect on Cedar Lane as a community that cultivates belonging I think about how we communicate who belongs. I’m not talking about our words, I’m talking about our unspoken ways of being.
Whose pictures are on the walls?
Whose books are on the bookshelves?
Whose voices are heard in worship and beyond?
Who do we greet and how?
As we begin this new congregational year, and reflect on belonging, I invite you to consider these questions about our faith community in a spirit of joy and generosity, leaving guilt and shame at the door. I am heartened knowing I’m not the only one asking these questions at Cedar Lane. I also know, we as a community are doing our imperfect best and our answers to these questions may vary from day to day.
As the hymn Break Not the Circle says,
Break not the circle of enabling love
where people grow, forgiven and forgiving;
break not that circle, make it wider still,
till it includes, embraces all the living.May you find belonging in our community and beyond in the wider world.
In faith,
Rev. DaynaReflection Questions
from Soul Matters Small Group Materials
- Some of us live in a place and others of us belong to a place. How does the place you belong to carry your stories, make room for your pain and keep you in touch with your longings?
- What is the greatest lie that your culture tells you about belonging?
- Some of us live in a place and others of us belong to a place. How does the place you belong to carry your stories, make room for your pain and keep you in touch with your longings?
